Of beliefs. faith. and everything else.

I'm back! Hmm.. ok.. lolz... Where was I? About love. and thoughts. Ok..

Today I shall start a new topic, on beliefs. and faith. Today is Sabbath Day, well, Sunday. And also Palm Sunday, after 5 weeks of Lent, the next would be Holy Thursday: Last Supper and Good Friday. I have been wondering, well thinking on and off about God, well, my beliefs and faith. My parents constantly reminded me how I am drifting away from church. Yes, I know. I have lame, lame excuses... Assignments, Edu fair, Exams... Well, 1001 reasons. I felt bad. I know it's also pointless to go to church, if you treat others badly, if you, well, don't set a good example. But that's another thing. 18 years of my life, I've come to find that it's important to stay closely to God. Seriously, without him, it's like you lost the torch to light the dark pathways in life. Without God, when you fall into a black hole, you find it 1000 times harder to climb out. With God, you might be able to overcome it, although occasionally you might find yourself in death traps. Some other time, it helps you to even avoid it. It's kind of hard to explain. But let's just face it. Each religion works differently but what I'm talking here is about faith, which is universal, and it applies everywhere.

I'm a teenager (no longer one, next year, so cherishing it) who's trying hard to figure out. Is it okay to feel bad if you don't do what's in the norm, like going to church? Believing in product faith-well, i'm referring to something that is always practiced like going to church every Sunday without fail, it's a sin not to attend, it's a must that one cannot eat meat on Friday..stuff like that. and the true faith - knowing and truly believe, having faith in the the power of God, spreading the way of the true faith to others.. It's a fine line between the two, and often I'm very confused.

We all have fear. Fear of being hated, gossiping, unearthly beings (paranormal stuffs), being robbed, evil minds of people, violence. All these, we are afraid of. And not God. Wae? Isn't it in the bible, stating that have no fear in nothing but in the Lord. I hated fear, fear of all the above mentioned. Like how I yearn for someone, to feel safe, to be comforted when I'm alone. I still remember being alone, and just some noises can give me goosebumps, and I still remember the tremble. No one. When you are far away from home, sometimes, you are by yourself. There I was alone, and all I could grab is the rosary, which to my surprise, snapped into two. Have you heard of a rosary made out of beads and metal can snap into two? In my mind that time was "SHIT"! This is a perfect example, why being close to God is important. Having faith in God, takes away your fear. And at that time, why was I being so fearful, is it because God is not there? No, it's because I don't have him in me, I did not take the time to stay close to him, and dwells more into what I think is more important, trusting myself, and being fearful towards trivia stuffs.

Yesterday, I was in a position where I was alone again. Well, there I was, lying on my bed. Having a bit of fear, I told him to watch over me and the house when I'm asleep. I told also that I'm giving my full trust and faith that he'll be watching over me, so that I can have a peaceful sleep, and I promised him my trust in him. It went pretty well, as I was asleep in no time at all, and the next thing I know, the alarm went off at about 7am. It was indeed a peaceful sleep with no disturbance. I opened my eyes, and I thanked him.

During today's service, as I was singing the first song, the tingling sensation came back. Well, this tingling feeling (it's something like a vibrator in your heart), I get it quite a number of times during services. If I'm not mistaken, everytime I'm in prayerful mode. I can't quite explain why did it happened to me, but the feeling was good, it felt right, it felt good. I don't know, but in a way, I felt something is telling me something everytime I feel it. So... I'm still figuring out. But I know I did the right thing.


I'm now on my quest, to do my best, to put in effort to be closer to him. It will be hard, I know. But I believe in perseverance.

Father, unto you, I commit my spirit. Amen.