Mar 24, 2007

Love. I'm thinking....

Alot of things has been happening. Basically. Relationships. problems. Not me. It seems to effect the people around me. And I'm starting to think. Well. yeah.

Is it that worth it? To jump into a relationship. No longer in your status: Single. It reads: Taken. In a relationship right now. Well. I'm thinking. Yeah. It's great having someone. To hold. To call your own. To hug. To complain to when you have a problem. To snuggle and whisper sweet stuffs to. and the list goes on. Sigh. Well. What about the times you have to have fights? Like if you love me, then you'll understand? You just don't understand my situation! You don't even have time for me! You don't even stand up for me when he/she flirts around. Or I love you, but you don't love me as much. Ego. Greed. Desires come in the way. What's the point then? To endure. Then when you find out, or sort of know that person is not the one. And what? Let go? And hope for the next love to walk through that door?

Well... I don't see how good is love. Being in love.. Cloud 9. Oo la la.. Love is in the air. Chocolates. Roses. Romantic poems. The staring into the eyes for hours. The warmth in each other hugs. And what else did I missed?

I might sound like a total sadist. You can say, I haven't really set my eyes on anyone right now. Or do I need a reality check, where every couple go through the same thing, and you just have to lower down your expectations, don't be a fussy pot, and just look straight, and accept any guys that shows interest in you?

I'm still very straight. Don't worry. I've been through it. Crushes. Real life. Online. But in the end, nothing came out of it. Good friends, yes. But not relationships. Maybe it's not time yet? as quoted. And stop being a fussy pot? as quoted again. So many times, I have been asking myself and to others.. Is there something wrong with me? I don't like guys or the guys don't like me? haha.. Am I weird or something? The response: There's is NOTHING wrong with you!! lolz..
Okayy.. I get it...

Well for me, it's always... okay guy. bad timing. doesn't fit my 3 checklists. not okay guy.again not to my taste. or fine guy. bad timing. not interested. lolz.. Pathetic? hehe.. I don't think so. Well, you mature with age, if not with experience. When you fail, it means you found a new way to avoid a mistake in the future. Deep huh? haha..

Give it another 1 or 2 or even 3 years time. And we shall see... I hope to see me. matured. still me. a fussy pot. With someone who can accept me for the way I am. And I hope to see myself in that person as well.. Hmmm.. Ting zhu xian la.. hahaha..

Another blog. Anything but ordinary.

Movie premier

Venue: Room 1- IACT

Well, the pictures didn't came out right on net, so I decided not to post my poster and my cd cover.. Well, it was too ugly anyways, so probably it got rejected. Haha...

My movie, entitled "Voices". One word to describe it. Morbid. With a twist. Okay. 4 words. haha.
It's about an intern, Kaitlin who volunteers to take up a case of a mental patient, Amanda, who claims to hear voices. And how Kaitlin starts to hear voices herself, and is now confused, and the question is, Do the voices exist? ....

How's that? Well, for those of you who think I might be heavily influenced to do this movie because of Rain, who debuted in his 1st movie where he is a mental patient (*coughs* a mere coincidence) lolz.. No, he did not inspire me. And my genre is totally different. I wanted to do something like a psychology-thriller/horror. And all I wanted to do is a simple but heart-wrenching love story. I guess it's not meant to be. My first movie was about betrayal. The 2nd one, a LAME horror movie. Both plus the third one, are all morbid. sigh.. but wth. hehe..

My premier. Well, it went okay. I was cringing as usual. I wished.hoped.desired. for something better. Basically everything. Actors are fine. I'm proud of them especially Winnie. People around me, was like Winnie? Well, she's perky, well, very... But I chose her for a reason. She outdone herself. Basically, I lost out to other good movies. They had better looking cast (I'm talking about mixed look; indon mix, hmm.. hot body eg: shirtless guy, lolz..) better location (sunset, the beach, nice bedrooms, swimming pool), better audio ( I would say, I should have get more audio.. But I'm happy with mine) better lighting... Better camera angles (definitely. perfect shots, everything flow nicely. I could have done better, you know?) Well, there's no point comparing now, after it's all over. I cannot imagine what I'll be getting. It might be a close B and B+.. Or if I'm lucky... an A. But I put my bet on a B or a B+.

Oh, I did not talked about the premier day? haha.. basically I was just complaining about my movie... haha.. Well... I'm glad people didn't went like Huh?!? like my first movie.. Probably because I made Rachel my main cast.. She's the only one who will talk usually. haha... I did the right thing isn't? heheh. I went up.. Gave them a brief synopsis. Anyways... I looked at Ms Ana. Well, she's the one who's giving me the marks. Not much of expression.. She's just concentrating. A good sign maybe? And no one actually talked much. Not that I hear anything... Probably some faint whispers.. I'm glad some were surprised during the ending. It's supposed to be a surprise anyways. hehe.. Reema was like Oh!!! hahaha.. Thanks girl..
And Kevin was sweet enough to sms me. [quote] Stop cringing. It's nice. *pokes* [/quote] Thanks again...

And after it ended. An overwhelming applause.. Well, at least it was. for me. I felt I was receiving the *coughs loudly* Academy Award or something. *perasan case, I know* haha.. And the credits rolled too slowly, well, maybe that explained the long applause.. haha... Finally I went up again, to give my speech. Just kidding. Actually, a short presentation for my inspiration and hardest part. Plus my movie poster and cd cover. basically i explained everything in the first paragraph.. haha.. I was lost for words. But I managed to say my thank you(s) to Qish, for the story development. And my casts. Great acting. I forgot to say thank you to Jamie.. for to props.. important props... Thanks chagiya.

Mar 3, 2007

Victimized. : (

It didn't hit me that hard this time. Well, hard...Just not hard enough.. I think I saw it coming. But you know people can be like that. Insecurities- make them react, and people.. like in this case.. I was victimized.

But even though I saw it coming.. Never would I have thought, it'll be that quick... I wasn't the first to get hit on, but now it seems I am, well... I guess I'm more influential than I thought I was... haha... lolz. perasan-ness..

A hard, cold wave has just hit me in the face, basically trying very hard to drown me, but I stand strong.. What does not kill you, only make you stronger. I face consequences, but I'm free from my conscience, because I know it.. the truth. I have seen people falling down into politics, and how they handle it. I'm really impressed.. And I wish I could be one of them.

Everytime injustice happens, I have been told that there is always a learning point. Not only injustice but anything that happens. Now I truly believe, and in this case, I take it as a lesson, a lesson learnt, so that I would know and remember all my life. Not to be like that, or mature in the sense of taking wise decision. I can stand strong, and not be blew away because of the support. There are passerby, busy bodies.. but I have friends, my family... and (i have to say this), I have God. ^^

Taking this as a challenge is definitely not easy, not easy at all.. I hope to see myself grow even more. I'm happy, that I'm no longer tied down. I cannot say I hate conflits or politics. It happens, it happens. And if you are smart enough to learn the good part of it, well.. that's greattt news... Look at the sun and not the mud. But if you have to look at the mud, embrace it and see the beauty of it. People that mistreated you, or people that trying to bring you down are the real teacher in life. See the beauty in them. You may feel like banging their heads on the wall, but hey... you're not actually feeling better? Am i right? Well, like what this person has taught me, telling others of how one stabbed you, is like you stabbing yourself over and over again. Well, I wouldn't want to feel more hurt than that. Ouch! And this is the same person who's trying to bring me down. Ah, now that I think of that, he actually provided a remedy before doing that to others, or me. lolz. That's really nice! Haha... Oh, should thank him then. ^^;

Thinking about all these makes me stress, and the mocha did not helped. Heh. Figures. Maybe should go for 4 shots of expresso again. Haha.. No.. No more 4 shots.. I swore I was like a drug addict the day after I drank it. lolz. I think I have fever.. I can feel another pimple popping out. lolz. I'm so sensitive of what's happening now. The drizzle outside right now, is not helping out.
The funny thing is, I feel relieved now. Now that I'm free.. Well, in a way. haha. I'm like a bird.. I can imagine I'm in Nelly Furtado's mv right now. hahahahha...

Maybe I just need a shoulder now. To cry. To let it out? haha... Haish! That's where boyfriends come in handy.. lolz.. ^^; Speaking bout em.. enough of freaky guys... hahhaah...

About what really happened, actually it may seem you're a coward if you don't stand up for yourself, but have you heard of a chinese proverb, The more you speak, the more mistakes you'll make? In this case, my counterpart, well.. happens to be a very good words.. don't have other "thoughts". heheh. So, it'll be very... very foolish to confront, or to in any way create a chance for this counterpart to confront you and technically bang your head on the wall, but make you feel like you deserve it. And I know, that being the quiet one, is not showing your weaknesses but your strength in disguise, you see.. I appreciate people coming up to me saying that I should stand up for myself, confront... and stuff.. But I just don't care anymore, like what the other person is thinking about me.. comploting some things to bring me down. Well, let's just say, I keep my good night's sleep. And you can have all the fun, counting sheeps or downing sleeping pills. Well, that is certainly not my problem. People will have all the fun they want when it comes to this, but he who knows of his own doings will face judgement. Like they say, sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga (as smooth/as clever a squirell jumps, sooner or later it'll fall to the ground). Oh, i still remember some malay proverbs.. looks like i haven't given that back to the teacher.. hahaha....

I leave you with something that I thought was good in MPH..

To laugh often and much
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
To love and appreciate your family and friends
To embrace distorted human minds; to learn from it and be thankful
To appreciate the beauty of nature
To find the best in others
To live the world a bit better
To know 1 life has breathed easier because you lived
This is to have succeeded.

-edited version- by me. haha..

Tough times never last
Tough people do.

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